Komui's latest project!
by Thatguyuare
Summary: This is a one-shot DGM fanfic in which Komui creates the "new" Komurin, robotic Linalees! Please keep in mind, this is slightly anti-Linalee, so please don't point this out in the reviews. This also ties in somewhat with gone-phishing's fanfic. Enjoy!


Linalee-bashing

WARNING: IF YOU ARE AT ALL FOND OF LINALEE DO NOT READ THIS. IF YOU DO NOT LIKE LINALEE AND YET READ IT, DO NOT FLAME ME.

By Thatguyuare

A very confused Allen trotted along the halls of the black order, heading in the general direction of Komui's office. Due to his awe-inspiring skill at getting lost, he was soon hopelessly… well… lost!

Every door seemed to look the same, each finder he passed was just another couple of exp, each Linalee he passed was jus-wait. Each Linalee?

Allen did a double take, spinning around on the spot, to reveal several murderous Linalees. Allen's first response was to promptly take a few seconds to rub his eyes, making sure he wasn't having a nightmare.

The Linalee who appeared to be the leader, the one with the tiniest skirt, stepped forward, addressing Allen as if he were a small child. When she spoke, instead of the usual fingernails-on-a-blackboard voice, it was a ROBOTIC fingernails-on-a-blackboard voice! The instant this reached Allen's ears, his heart sunk, only Komui would make such a hideous abomination.

"ALLEN WALKER. WE REQUIRE YOUR ASSISSTANCE TO LIVE."

"Wha… But you're robots!"

Upon closer inspection, Allen noticed that there were a few very flimsy-looking nuts and bolts holding 'Linalee' together.

"WE ARE NOT ROBOTS. DADDY KOMUI TOLD US THAT WE ARE HUMANS."

"DADDY? Komui has programmed you to be his daughters?"

"NOT PROGAMMED. WE _ARE_ HIS DAUGHTERS."

"Um, there are about a million ethical, medical and scientific issues with that statement… And are you _positive_ you need my… 'help' to survive?"

"YES."

With a long, drawn-out sigh, Allen decided it would be worth it to assist them, for the sake of the mission. Not only that, but helping his 'creations' instead of destroying them would _probably_ get him in Komui's good books.

Allen then embarked on a voyage of epic proportions: Cleaning Hevlaska's tank.

That's right. Hevlaska lives in a tank. It's just… invisible. And non-existent.

Either way, for some reason Komui had instructed these abominations to 'clean' the air around Hevlaska. From his vantage point, about thirty stories up, Allen could vaguely see a white blob, which he assumed to be Hevlaska.

It was going to be tricky, getting all the way down there. Oh well, he had enough Linalees to use as cannon fodder.

That said, he activated his innocence, morphing it into an amazingly oversized gun, with which he scooped up a Linalee, and in an explosion of sickening love and vomit-inducing joy, fired her thirty floors down to Hevlaska. On its way down, Allen could have sworn he heard her say

"FOR KOMUIIIIIIII" before trailing off into oblivion. Ten seconds after 'she' was fired, 'Linalee' hit… hit something. Remember that white blob? Yeah… that was now spread in a twenty metre radius around where the 'Linalee' had impacted… Oops. Allen decided to see if Hevlaska still existed, so he turned his attention to the other Linanees.

"LINALEES! I need your full attention for this dangerous mission! If you fail this, Daddy Komui will be VERY sad!"

Every single Linalee gasped at the thought of their precious father being harmed in any way, and so they immediately assembled, army-style, near the edge of the platform.

"YES, ALLEN-KUN?"

At this, Allen couldn't take it any more, he walked right up to one of the Linalees, put a boot to her face, Bookman-style, and kicked her right off the edge. On her way down, she shouted

"Yaaay! Service to Komui is fun! Not like those other ones he keeps for himself… Why would father need inflatable robots?"

Allen grimaced, wishing he had misheard. Out of pure desperation, he continuously pushed more and more Linalees off of the edge, up to the point where the pit was full enough for him to walk across comfortably, and with a nice, soft cushioning, too. No matter how hard he tried, he couldn't get rid of them all! They seemed to be reproducing like lemmings… But, somehow, they were stupider!

Eventually, Allen gave up on the job, wanting to see if Komui had assigned _any_ non-ridiculous jobs to the machines. Ooh, cafeteria clean up sounds easy!

And I might get some decent food! Allen's mouth practically started dripping as he thought of that delicious, crispy, roasted, fried, food… As fast as his innocence would carry him, Allen made his way to the cafeteria, only to find it deserted.

Not even the chef was there… Apparently he had quit after preparing only one meal for Allen!

Now, all that was left in the mess hall was an insane pile of bowls left over from one other encounter with the cafeteria. I should probably get these robots to do _something_, he thought. Currently, they were sitting in a corner, chatting about how awesome Komui was, looking at various suggestive pictures of Komui or just sitting alone, most likely thinking about Komui.

He set them to work on various kitchen jobs, cleaning up, washing dishes, mopping floors, working in the kitchen and cooking Allen endless amounts of food. Basically, doing all of the jobs a Linalee should.

However, when they were just about done and Allen was just about full, the person with the most impeccable timing showed up:

Kanda.

"Oi, Moyashi, grab me some Soba, will you?"

At these words, **every single Linalee in the room** turned and looked at Kanda. With a chorus of fangirl fanaticism, they completely swamped him, bringing the famed samurai, Kanda Yu, to the ground in under ten seconds flat. He didn't even have time to draw Mugen, let alone activate it.

With the Linalees pinning Kanda to the ground for the time being, Allen chose to seek out Komui, he wanted to know why in god's name he would construct such a malevolent machine.

After a few solid hours of searching the tower for Komui's office which, as it turned out, was **AT THE TOP OF THE TOWER**, Allen found himself standing outside the imposing double doors, readying himself for the scene of pure horror and paper cut-related injuries that awaited him. He dramatically swung open the doors, revealing an _extremely_ red-faced Komui in a _very_ intimate position with a blow-up doll of… Linalee?


End file.
